2025 UN-Wrapped
Happy New Year! It’s 2026 folks and I’m back on the blogging ball! If you’re reading this post, I first want to start by saying thank you so much for stopping by, AND I have so many things lined up for the new year that I can’t wait to share with you! But first—a recap of last year.
Round 1
SO, as I’m sure it’s obvious, the majority of last year I was pretty much MIA on the blog. However, my goal for this year is to change that. Last year was honestly just unexpected. I went into it feeling very optimistic but also frustrated. In January, I thought that I was expectant and positive even though I was pushing through feelings of uncertainty and pain, but in reality, I spent at least the first half of 2025 carrying resentment in my heart.
You see, I thought God was going to move on something I wanted to happen so badly. In the area of romance, I’ve been waiting for years to finally meet “the one” or my person. While I’ve been waiting, I’ve also been growing a lot in my personal relationship with God. So, for whatever reason, at the beginning of last year I just really felt in my spirit that something was about to change in my life, and I was really hoping that it would be in that area. After about the first two months when things weren’t progressing at all, I figured maybe it just wasn’t time yet; but, surely by June or July I’d have at least met my match. Was I correct that time? No, absolutely not!
June and July had come and gone, and I was just as single as I was in the beginning. It was at this point when emotionally and spiritually things really started to go downhill. The disappointment really started to settle in, and I started to believe my time would never come. To make matters harder, I had to smile through the pain when many of my peers were actually stepping into seasons of dating, engagement, and marriage (like literally almost all of them in all different stages.... Something was in the water last year). These were—and honestly still kind of are—the seasons I longed for. I reasoned that this must be how Hannah felt when she was taunted and provoked by Peninnah. Of course, my situation is a little different because no one flaunted it intentionally or tried to make me feel less than for being single, but I’ve learned it’s just the nature of the beast that these things happen in droves. Still it was depressing sometimes to go to church. It just felt like a constant reminder of what I didn’t have. It was, but I kept showing up.
The summer came to a close, and so did my heart. I felt so numb after pouring and pouring and hoping and believing. I guess I almost felt a little betrayed (although I wasn’t in reality). My wilderness just continued on. I ended my life group. My heart grew cold towards serving in church. No matter how much I showed up out of a place of obedience, my feelings didn’t change. I felt broken, unfixable, unloved, and unlovable.
The Second Half
Fast forward to September and I was having lots of trouble at work. I would just get sick out of nowhere – nausea, dizziness, headaches, and a severe aversion to food or even just the smell of it. Outside of work I was also having MAJOR stomach issues. I’ll spare you the details, but let’s just say at any given moment I needed to be near a restroom. After leaving work early so many times, I finally drove to urgent care (while the episode was happening btw). I had one of my lowest most embarrassing moments to date in that doctor’s office. I remember the feeling of helplessness.
The doctor diagnosed me with anxiety (amongst two other things). I was shocked. I went into the urgent care thinking my sickness must have to do with my iron or that something was wrong physically. I wanted answers, but not the kind he gave. This was my rock bottom (of the year). From that moment forward, I would get my hope for the year: things would change.
Change they did! In the last quarter of the year, I’ve had a lot of decisions to make. First, I had to get my health to a good place. In October, I started to seek professional help. I’d wanted to do that for years now because I’ve struggled with depression from a young age (eleven-ish), but with this new diagnosis looming over me it was now or never. I won’t speak on my experience in depth in this post, but I do plan to expand in later posts. To put it simply, therapy helps. GO TO THERAPY. My counselor has been a literal God send, and even though I had that resentment toward the Lord for so long, I knew this was a God thing. All of it was, even though it made me uncomfortable.
The end of the year was a blur. Work was very hard considering, but God was faithful to me through it. He gave me rest when I needed it, and he provided everything I needed. He strengthened me. Spiritually, I started to rebuild (not that I had deconstructed or anything of the sort, but I was in a weak place prior to say the least). Decisions about my future were made. Plans have been set in place, and I’m looking forward to the start of the new thing as I type. I’d be lying if I said I’m not at least a tiny bit scared, but I’d rather go into a new thing knowing that failure is not the enemy. If I fail, I fail, but thriving is also very much an option! And if I thrive, I’ll have no regrets.
Finally, I didn't end 2025 how I hoped I would, but I did end it better than I started it. I'm still waiting to meet my someone, but that's okay. Though I have my lonely moments sometimes, I know that God sees me, and he has a plan for my life. I've let go of the weight of frustration; it's a daily choice. I've learned that it's better to just communicate with God, and let him handle the rest because we were not built to carry those burdens that come with frustration, bitterness, and resentment. I have decided to trust him, and I walk in that daily.
So, that was my 2025 in a nutshell! It probably was not what anyone expected, but it was real. Hopefully your 2025 was less somber yet chaotic than mine, and I pray that your 2026 will be nothing but sunshine and rainbows! If you made it this far, thank you SO much for reading, and I hope you return for more!
Be blessed!
XOXO,
K.V.B.
